Rihanna - “Umbrella”

This song is amazing enough on its own, and the video just makes it that much more incredible. It’s gritty, it’s leathery, it’s shiny, it’s super-sexy, and then BAM — she’s splashing around in water and dancing in a downpour of glitter. It’s like a gay gangsta’s wet dream.

Then there’s the two-tone orange-and-white scene with Rihanna dancing around in a hybrid tuxedo/French maid outfit. I can’t put into words why it’s so fantastic — it just is.

And there’s more! Now it’s all black-and-white, and Rihanna’s naked body is covered in metallic body paint! There’s so much going on in this video, it’s kinda hard not to love it. You’re practically guaranteed to be entertained the whole time.

It’s all very fitting for a hugely popular song that redefined the way people pronounced “umbrella” for a year.

Britney Spears - “Boys”

This video. This video. Is there a better, more random selection of guys than DJ Qualls, Pharrell, and Austin Powers? I’m gonna say NO. The girl knows not to take herself too seriously, and I like that in a pop obsession. Wait… and was that Jason Priestly? How many famous guys are in this video?

This used to be one of my least-favorite Britney songs, but it’s really grown on me. Interesting side-note: I cheered in the theater when Britney’s head blew up at the end of this song during the third “Austin Powers” movie. I used to hate her with a passion, but that hatred has blossomed into an unhealthy, obsessive love :)

Black Eyed Peas - “Hey Mama”

Whoa. There is some serious crunking going on in this video. It kinda makes me wish I could do that. Then again, I’m happy with my limbs as they are (that is to say they have normal joints and only move in normal ways).

There’s also some pretty sweet green screen action going on here, too. For some reason, I really love the parts when they’re dancing on the big 3D words. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s still fun. Then again, anything’s fun after the crapfest that was “Where Is The Love?” WTF was that shit? Worst song ever. This song, on the other hand, is much more meaningful and really speaks to me in ways that “Where Is The Love?” never will.

I’m gonna go get that shit that makes me move.

Backstreet Boys - “I Want It That Way”

When I think of boy bands—BSB in particular—this craptastic video immediately comes to mind.

You know you’ve seen it before a thousand times. The boys are looking mighty sexy in their matching outfits, pouring their hearts out with those meaningful lyrics. No one has ever looked better dancing in front of a private jet with their name on it. And OMG guyz, they even show their fans in the video! BSB 4evr!

I still find it hard to believe that any of the guys took this shit seriously. And that’s why I still love it 100%.