Bad Pop!

Fefe Dobson - “Ghost” I’ve always loved Fefe,...

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 01:14:07 -0400

Fefe Dobson - “Ghost”

I’ve always loved Fefe, so I’m glad that she’s finally back with some material that I can get behind.

Not only is the song amazing in every way, but the video features Fefe lookin’ just a little bit crazy in the head, and we all know I love musicians crazy.

Sure, it’s just your average “girl gets revenge on her cheating boyfriend” video—but wait, Fefe’s on the ceiling! That one moment was practically enough to do it for me.

Oh, Fefe. Keep on rockin’ my world.

Beyoncé - “Halo” I would probably like this song a...

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 01:09:22 -0400

Beyoncé - “Halo”

I would probably like this song a lot less if it didn’t have Beyoncé singing the word “halo” in such a weird, drawn-out way. Then again, I might like it a lot more. Who knows?

Either way, it’s on OK song that is made 100% amazing by the simple fact that it’s got Beyoncé attached to it (and the fact that radios stations played it pretty much nonstop for 300 years).

The Saturdays - “Missing You” What the hell? I love...

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:46:44 -0400

The Saturdays - “Missing You”

What the hell? I love the Saturdays more than I probably should, but this song is awful from the very beginning. Why did they autotune the shit out of Frankie’s voice? I’m sure it’s probably done simply for effect, and I’m not OK with that at all. This is my least favorite trend in music right now.

Then there are the lyrics and grating chorus. The whole “I miss missing you” part feels really forced — especially since I was totally expecting the words to simply be “I’m missing you” (you, know, because of the name of the song). It took me two listens to even figure out what they were saying because my brain was only expecting four syllables instead of five.

As far as the video goes? Bleh. I was too distracted by the not-so-amazing song to notice the horrible dance moves.

Le sigh. The worst part is that I’ll probably start to like it before long (I always do).

Pras (feat. Mya and Ol’ Dirty Bastard) - “Ghetto...

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:39:32 -0400

Pras (feat. Mya and Ol’ Dirty Bastard) - “Ghetto Supastar”

This song really speaks to me. Not only do I live in the ghetto, but I’m a major superstar. It’s like Pras and Mya got together to write this song about me and my life.

Oh… wait… Nope, I’m totally full of shit. I don’t know why I love this song so much — all I know is that it’s 100% fantastic regardless of your supastar status and regardless of which ‘hood you’re from.

Pussycat Dolls - “Buttons” Someone get me an air...

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 23:08:28 -0400

Pussycat Dolls - “Buttons”

Someone get me an air conditioner — because it just got super hot in here. The PCD girls sure know how to make a sexy music video. And factor in that they’re singing about taking their clothes off… whew.

It’s almost too much for a gay man to handle.

Then there’s the chair-dancing, which, according to the laws of the universe, is automatically sexy. Side note: Did the chair-dancing scene remind anyone else of Britney’s “Stronger” video just a lil bit? Doesn’t matter — Six Pussycat Dolls on chairs beats one Britney on a chair any day.

Whitney Houston - “How Will I Know” Oh...

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 22:54:29 -0400

Whitney Houston - “How Will I Know”

Oh Whitney… You were so classy before you starting smoking crack and taking punches from Bobby Brown.

You brought us so many catchy pop classics (like this shiny little gem) during the ’80s and ’90s… and then you come out with (fantastic) crap like “Million Dollar Bill”? Shaaammmme. Shame shame shame.

Wait — Who am I kidding? I loved “Million Dollar Bill,” and I still love you because In my mind, you’ll always be the sassy young lady singing this song.

P.S. Just so you know: When Bobby Brown starts punching you, that’s when you know he doesn’t love you.

My blog just turned 1! Thanks to all 488 of you who’ve...

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 00:51:34 -0400

My blog just turned 1!

Thanks to all 488 of you who’ve been following my ridiculous posts for the past 365 days :)

Maroon 5 - “Makes Me Wonder” I love everything...

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:21:34 -0400

Maroon 5 - “Makes Me Wonder”

I love everything about this video, from the sexy color scheme to the sexy security screening.

I also love everything about this song because it starts off an amazing second album from the group. I’m not sure you could any catchier or more fantastically summery from an all-male “rock” band.

The only thing that would have made this video better would have been 1) less face time for the gross, long-haired bandmates, and 2) less clothing on Adam Levine. That’s all we really care about in the end, isn’t it?

Montell Jordan - “This Is How We Do It” You know...

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:12:12 -0400

Montell Jordan - “This Is How We Do It”

You know you love it. Don’t even try to pretend that you don’t

Lady Gaga - “Alejandro” Oh, Lady Gaga… How...

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:34:48 -0400

Lady Gaga - “Alejandro”

Oh, Lady Gaga… How appropriate that her most ’80s-sounding single is also her most ’80s-looking music video.

It’s like a cross between Ingmar Bergman’s “The Seventh Seal,” Madonna’s video for “Like a Prayer” and that creepy Apple ad from the ’80s.

That might sound like an amazing combination, but I was really bored the whole time (and horrified at all the hairstyles). This dark and moody period that Lady Gaga is going through is really starting to bum me out — especially when it seems to clash with the seemingly bright and upbeat sound of her music.

I love you, Gaga, but I find myself getting tired of your metaphors and subtexts that border on obvious and forced. Let’s get back to making fantastic pop music and stop worrying about cramming as many metaphors as you can into an eight-minute video.

P.S. Does anyone else think this would have made a better video for “Dance in the Dark”? It’s dark… And there’s dancing…

Beyoncé - “Naughty Girl” I don’t know why,...

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:23:08 -0400

Beyoncé - “Naughty Girl”

I don’t know why, but I have a lot of trouble imagining Beyoncé as a “naughty girl.” She’s always seemed pretty wholesome and law-abiding to me.

Regardless, I love this song to death. It’s very Middle-Eastern-y, which I like, and it brings to mind images of belly dancers (which I also like). Really, there’s not much here that’s unlikeable. The high pitch of B’s voice used to annoy me a little, but I’m totally over it.

Eminem - “The Real Slim Shady” I had my fair share...

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 00:06:47 -0400

Eminem - “The Real Slim Shady”

I had my fair share of love for Eminem back in the day, but looking back, I just have one thing to say: Is it just me, or is this the gayest rap video ever made?

Let’s consider what’s gong on here: A Kathy Griffin cameo (gay!), Britney Spears references (sorta gay!), a gay marriage scene (100% gay!), a room full of shirtless bleached-blonde boys (stereotypical gay!)… Come on, Eminem… You’re not fooling anybody.

I wonder what his boyfriend thinks of this video?

Jessica Simpson - “Come on Over” Just when I...

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 23:59:34 -0400

Jessica Simpson - “Come on Over”

Just when I thought I had no reason to like country music, Jessica Simpson pulls this out of her Daisy Dukes.

I don’t know what made her decide to go country, but I like it. Maybe I’m crazy, but I feel like there’s something about this song that is much more mature than anything else she’s ever released. And it helps that it’s catchy as hell.

Besides, I’ll take J.Simp any way I can get her, whether it’s pop music, country music, or Oscar-worthy movie roles. So I’m not complainin’. :D

Christina Aguilera - “Fighter” Hmmm… Holy...

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 00:28:43 -0400

Christina Aguilera - “Fighter”

Hmmm… Holy crap… I forgot how weird this video was.

It’s like a musical goth version of “The Cell,” and it’s really freaking me out right now. This song performed really well commercially, but I have a feeling that this video wasn’t involved in selling anything except night-lights. I’m kinda scared to fall asleep now because I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, Xtina will be there with her scary black wig and giant push-pins.

And don’t even get me started on all the bugs at the end. I feel like I need a shower just looking at all the moths and butterflies. Ew. Nature.

Jennifer Lopez - “Do It Well” I honestly, truly,...

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 00:18:38 -0400

Jennifer Lopez - “Do It Well”

I honestly, truly, don’t understand why this song wasn’t a massive hit. It’s the fourth-most-played song on my iTunes, and it played on my iPod almost nonstop the whole late summer/fall after it came out. And for good reason.

It’s catchy, it’s fun, it’s got a great beat. It’s pretty much I’ve come to want and need from Jennifer Lopez, but I guess that’s also the song’s greatest flaw. Lately, it seems like J.Lo’s involvement in anything has been the kiss of death.

I don’t care; I still love the woman, even if no one else does, and I’ll keep on hopin’ that she has another massive hit under that bootylicious belt of hers.

Britney Spears - “Break the Ice” Before...

Wed, 26 May 2010 01:35:59 -0400

Britney Spears - “Break the Ice”

Before “Blackout” was even released, this was one of my favorite tracks. It’s too bad that by the time it was finally released as a single, Britney was in one of the darkest periods of her career/life. Thus, we get this sorta-interesting-sorta-not cartoon music video.

It’s definitely not the worst music video I’ve ever seen, and if Britney were in an amazing place (career-wise and mentally), this might have been an awesome video. But because we all knew that Britney was falling apart, this video comes across as a meager attempt to capitalize on a fallen star.

That said, I still love this video for what it is: A Britney Spears video. I will always love every single Britney video based simply on principle.

But I also know in my heart what this video could have been… And that is why I love it even more.

Jordin Sparks - “Battlefield” For some reason, my...

Wed, 26 May 2010 01:29:18 -0400

Jordin Sparks - “Battlefield”

For some reason, my local radio station keeps playing this song on a regular basis, and I really don’t know why. It’s the most generic, derivative song I’ve ever heard.

I mean… Come on, how can you not hear this and make comparisons to Pat Benatar’s eternal classic “Love is a Battlefield”? It’s completely ridiculous that anyone would make such a song, much less Jordin Sparks, one of the least successful “American Idol” winners.

But you know what? I really don’t care. (Surprise!) I love it anyway, despite the fact that it’s 100% unoriginal and 100% dependent on Benatar’s eternal classic. We already knew that love was a battlefield, thanks to Pat, and here comes Jordin, telling us what we already knew.

Someone please remind me why she won “American Idol”…? Oh yeah… It’s because she was up against that beat-boxing r-tard Blake Lewis.

I totally loved him.

Toni Braxton - “Yesterday (feat. Trey Songz)” Um,...

Thu, 20 May 2010 23:04:34 -0400

Toni Braxton - “Yesterday (feat. Trey Songz)”

Um, excuse me? I need some answers — I have a lot of very important unresolved questions lingering after watching this.

Who the hell knew that Toni Braxton was still so hot?
Is Toni morally opposed to being fully clothed? (Not that I’m complaining)
Who is this Trey Songz character, and why do I find him so sexy?
Why does Brooke Hogan have a cameo as “the other woman”?
How many weaves/wigs can Toni wear in one video?

Train - “Drops of Jupiter” I used to hate this...

Thu, 20 May 2010 22:53:55 -0400

Train - “Drops of Jupiter”

I used to hate this song. But that was before I gained an appreciation for metaphors. Now I can love this song for all of it’s metaphorical amazingness. Then again, now that I think about it, I still don’t know what “drops of Jupiter” is actually supposed to be a metaphor for. Hm. Whatevs.

What I do know is that I simultaneously love and hate the random fried chicken reference thrown in there. I really don’t get it. But I love/hate it. :)

Ke$ha - “Your Love Is My Drug” I really, really,...

Mon, 17 May 2010 23:23:30 -0400

Ke$ha - “Your Love Is My Drug”

I really, really, hope that this video is about Ke$ha and her nasty-ass boyfriend peyote-binging in the desert.

How else would you explain the tiger mask, the trippy kaleidoscope effects, and the hand-drawn cartoon segments?

You know what my favorite part is, though? The night shot with Ke$ha covered in glow-in-the-dark paint. It’s ridiculous. And amazing. And I totally love it. I just wish it didn’t end so soon :(