Pussycat Dolls - “Buttons”

Someone get me an air conditioner — because it just got super hot in here. The PCD girls sure know how to make a sexy music video. And factor in that they’re singing about taking their clothes off… whew.

It’s almost too much for a gay man to handle.

Then there’s the chair-dancing, which, according to the laws of the universe, is automatically sexy. Side note: Did the chair-dancing scene remind anyone else of Britney’s “Stronger” video just a lil bit? Doesn’t matter — Six Pussycat Dolls on chairs beats one Britney on a chair any day.

Britney Spears - “Break the Ice”

Before “Blackout” was even released, this was one of my favorite tracks. It’s too bad that by the time it was finally released as a single, Britney was in one of the darkest periods of her career/life. Thus, we get this sorta-interesting-sorta-not cartoon music video.

It’s definitely not the worst music video I’ve ever seen, and if Britney were in an amazing place (career-wise and mentally), this might have been an awesome video. But because we all knew that Britney was falling apart, this video comes across as a meager attempt to capitalize on a fallen star.

But I also know in my heart what this video could have been… And that is why I love it even more.

Britney Spears - “Overprotected”

Seriously, Brit? I know for a fact that this isn’t the best you can do.

Britney’s videos are immensely entertaining eye candy, for the most part. When they’re not eye candy, they at least have some kind of story or something to keep us interested.

Not this crap. This is the only Britney video I’ve ever seen that actually bored me. For real. I can’t stand to watch this turd all the way through, and you’re not gonna make me do it.

Thank god they re-did it.

Miley Cyrus - “Can’t Be Tamed”

We all know by now how I feel about Miley. I can’t stand the girl.

I was willing to admit my love for “Party in the U.S.A.,” but I… just…

Shit… I think I’m starting to like her.

It’s weird, though, because Miley’s been quoted as saying that she doesn’t like pop music and doesn’t listen to it. So how am I supposed to respect someone who doesn’t even like the music she’s making?

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter in the end. Our ears, our hearts, our minds, are unwilling to listen to logic when it comes to awful pop music, and I’m sure you’re just like me in that you just can’t say “no” to this wonderful crap.

Also: How much hotter would this video be if Britney were the one singing and dancing in it? Because, honestly, Miley/Britney comparisons are just becoming more and more relevant as the girl molds her career after Miss B’s. Like Britney during the mid-2000s, Miley seems intent on saying over and over again, “Look how grown-up I am!”

Kristine Elezaj - “Souvenirs”

Oh man… It’s so good. It’s like “Stronger”-era Britney reborn in the body of Kristine Elezaj (pronounced eh-LAY-zuh, I believe). All that dancing, all that sexiness.

How can you not love a girl dancing around in torn black lace? Oh, and stick around until the end — she gets drenched in water. It’s almost enough to make me go straight. Almost.

Granted, it also helps that it’s a fantasic pop song, as well. It’s super catchy, it’s memorable, and it gets stuck in your head after you hear it — which is pretty much the goal of any pop song, right? There are very few things wrong with this situation, and I love love love it.

I can only imagine what we’ll be seeing from Ms. Elezaj in the future. I can’t wait :)

Britney Spears - “Boys”

This video. This video. Is there a better, more random selection of guys than DJ Qualls, Pharrell, and Austin Powers? I’m gonna say NO. The girl knows not to take herself too seriously, and I like that in a pop obsession. Wait… and was that Jason Priestly? How many famous guys are in this video?

This used to be one of my least-favorite Britney songs, but it’s really grown on me. Interesting side-note: I cheered in the theater when Britney’s head blew up at the end of this song during the third “Austin Powers” movie. I used to hate her with a passion, but that hatred has blossomed into an unhealthy, obsessive love :)

Britney Spears - “Piece of Me”

This is one of my top five Britney songs of all time. How could it not be? From that opening grinding baseline to the “fuck you” lyrics directed at the paparazzi, it’s 100% amazing and 100% Britney.

Thank god it has a good video. But the interesting thing about the video to me is this: It’s a great clip, but imagine what it would have been like if Britney hadn’t been in such a poor mental state at the time. If she can make a video this great when she’s not in her prime… Well, I think this makes it clear that we can still expect great things from Lady Spears.

I’m gonna sit here and wait to see what she has up her sleeve next. You know it’s going to be good.