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February 19th, 2010 // 1 note // Comments

Cascada - “Pyromania”

I’m pretty sure I’ll never run out of material to post on this blog so long as Cascada keeps making music. The sad part, though, is that I really can’t get enough of her music. It’s awful, pointless, and usually derivative, but I can’t stop listening.

This song’s no different: I don’t really know what pyromania has to do with anything. So she’s “turning up the heat,” which makes her a pyromaniac? Whatevs. There are more important things to discuss here—like this video.

First of all, the first five seconds are a total rip-off of “Poker Face.” Second of all, what the hell is up with the male models wearing oversized black space helmets? And why are their mouths glowing? I’m starting to believe that Cascada is actually a gay man trapped in the body of a German woman with awful hair, because only a homo could think of something so ridiculously random and irresistible.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

January 17th, 2010 // 1 note // Comments

Cascada - “Miracle”

It’s no secret that I love shiteous dance music. And this song is like the best horrible dance song ever made. It’s got a nice, strong beat to back up those deep, meaningful lyrics about love or some stupid shit like that.

The real clincher, though, is this gem of a lyric right here: “You cheated on me from behind.”

Sure, it means to imply that Cascada’s boyfriend cheated on her behind her back, but in my mind, it’s saying that he cheated on her from behind. As in butt sex. And call me immature, but I think that’s hilarious.

Now if you’ll excuse me, the ecstasy I took is kicking in, and I have a Cascada party to go to.

P.S. How amazing is that dance break in the middle of the song where she insists on repeating the word “miracle” over and over again? It’s like she’s reminding you which of her completely identical songs you’re actually listening to. ‘Cause it’s hard to keep track sometimes :)

♥ | 97 plays

December 18th, 2009 // 1 note // Comments

Cascada - “Last Christmas”

Speaking of people you would never expect to release a Christmas song: Cascada.

But you know what? This dance-version of the modern Christmas classic actually works surprisingly well, and I’ll admit to listening to it on a regular basis during the holiday season. What can I say? I’m a sucker for Cascada (and any other awful dance song), so why should I make an exception to my horrible taste during Christmas?

P.S. I want a Cascada wig for Christmas. That’s the only thing I want or need.

August 20th, 2009 // 1 note // Comments

Cascada - “Dangerous”

This is the video for Cascada’s newest single, and I have a couple of things I’d like to say. So I will use a numbered list:
  1. Whoever is in charge of picking her singles needs to be fired.
  2. Just when we thought this album would signal a new sound for her, she releases this turd that sounds just like everything else she’s ever made (only more boring).
  3. How long did this video concept take to create? Two minutes?
  4. Cascada officially has the most boring, predictable music videos ever.
  5. The guy in this video is ugly.
  6. All of this doesn’t change the fact that Cascada is a major guilty pleasure of mine.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

August 3rd, 2009 // 6 notes // Comments

Patti Smith - “Because the Night”

In its original form, this song isn’t that terrible. Yeah… It’s a little cheesy, with its lyrics about love, lovers, lust, and stuff, and that chorus is so unbelievably catchy. It’s just begging for a dance beat…

So you really kick up the awful factor when you consider a recent remake by Cascada. It’s no secret that I love dance covers of songs from the ’80s. Of course I ate this shit up. This song was destined to be covered by Cascada, with her powerful voice and powerfully generic beats. It’s too bad it never got released here in the U.S… I think it could have done pretty well (on my iPod, at least).

♥ | 50 plays

July 7th, 2009 // 0 notes // Comments

CASCADA - “Everytime We Touch”

Every one-hit wonder ’80s ballad should be remade into a dance-pop song. And every video of those remakes should feature dorky-cute librarians and sexy European singers.

Now please excuse me while I go dance on some bookshelves.